Responding to Rejection- Part 1

Have you ever been rejected by a friend? Have you ever been rejected by a family member? Have you ever experienced rejection from your husband or child? How about a coworker or a supervisor? Have you ever been rejected by a total stranger? How did you respond? Well, for me I have been rejected by all of the above! Yes, from my husband and family members to a complete total stranger. Rejection is not something I want to admit and brag about how many times I have been rejected and by how many people. Unfortunately, years of rejection left me angry and hurt. Years of rejection left me depressed and feeling unloved, unwanted, not good enough!

Rejection cuts deep. Being rejected by someone you love and care about feels like you're getting punched in the gut. I would for no moment dismiss how it feels but we can have control on how we respond no matter how bad it hurts. Our response can determine “victim” or “victory” over our situation! Think about how YOU respond when someone rejects you. Is there an anger that rises up inside of you? Was there an immediate reaction of defeat and deflation? Is your response to rejection an automatic competition of having to prove yourself? How important is it to you to be accepted and not rejected? How important was it to Jesus? Was Jesus accepted or rejected? How did Jesus’ response determine his direction?

Jesus was rejected by many people. His own brothers questioned if he truly was the son of God! Jesus was rejected by his closest friend and disciple: Peter. Jesus was rejected by people in his hometown of Nazareth. Jesus was rejected by many people who accepted him as a “good teacher” but not as the son of God. He was called the carpenter’s kid, the son of Joseph and Mary. Jesus was rejected by many more but never his Heavenly Father!

A Prophet Without Honor

“Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.

“Where did this man get these things?” they asked. “What’s this wisdom that has been given him? What are these remarkable miracles he is performing? Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph,[a] Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him.

Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.” He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith.” ~ Mark 6:1-6

Can you believe this!! The Bible says that they took offense! At Jesus? They knew him as a carpenter! The son of Mary and Joseph...how dare he come and teach us and perform miracles! Their hearts were so hard they could not receive what Jesus had to offer because they already had a label on him. Jesus knew this, he felt this rejection. He didn’t respond by humiliating them or proving them wrong! Yet he recognized their lack of faith and moved on to the next. He didn’t react! He didn’t let the rejection stop him from the call God had on his life! This rejection didn’t stop Jesus from teaching, ministering, preaching, healing, delivering! Glory to God that rejection did not sit in Jesus’ heart but he kept on going, focusing on his Father’s mission!!

Rejection can come from anywhere around us, relationships, family, work place, even church! Rejection can be rooted by verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, trouble at home, adoption, divorce, abandonment, adultery and even peer rejection. Rejection can turn into bad habits and strong holds such as perfectionism, fear, isolation, pride, selfishness, people pleasing, lust, insecurity, shame, envy, jealousy and more. You can be set free from these things!

Jesus can set you free! Jesus can stop the cycle today! You have to be able to identify where the rejection is coming from, pull the weed from the root and quit just mowing over it! If we can identify our response to rejection then we can identify where the feeling of rejection is coming from! Jesus dealt with rejection, he felt it but his response was very different from you and I!

Here are some ways that I have responded to rejection in the past leaving me feeling empty, hurt, depressed, alone, angered and....well you get it!

The first response is the “I’m not good enough” statement! UGH! We devalue ourselves! We say this to ourselves so many times that it becomes an ugly old mindset! This mentality is dangerous! It can lead us to isolation, depression, even suicidal thoughts. Statements of, “No one loves me” “No one cares”. Devalue means to reduce or underestimate the worth or importance of. This can become a stronghold over your life affecting your joy, your compassion and your relationship with God.

The Bible says in Psalms 139:14,

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”.

This should give you confidence that you are created by God who says his creation is wonderful! This is where you should find your value… In the one who created you! I had allowed rejection to rob my “value”. I had allowed rejection to label me as a victim who was never going to be loved or valued again. Lies, Lies, Lies ! God created me with value and until I learned to accept Jesus’ love for me… that is when I became a VICTOR from the VICTIM status! I am loved! I am valued! Jesus died for me! He saved me regardless of how bad I messed up! And he loves you, he died for you and wants you to know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

The second response is when you feel like you have to do it better! I like to call this the competition spirit. Now I’m not bashing people who are highly competitive at sports or achievements and train countless hours. But I’m talking about when in your mind it's a competition with someone else but in reality…it’s not a competition! OUCH! So True...have you ever said these things before? Or had similar thoughts?

“I have to do it better than you so I can feel good about myself.” A way of elevating yourself.

“I have to be skinnier or prettier than they are.” A way of getting attention off of others and onto you or fishing for compliments.

“I have to have more likes, shares, followers” to feel a sense of acceptance and belonging.

“I have to make more money.” “We make more money than they do.”

“I have to have a bigger house than theirs.” “I have to have a better job or more important position than they do.” “My kids can do that better.” Even using your children to feel a sense of accomplishment as a parent.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~ Romans 12:2 NIV

Many of you may say...who would say these things, who would live this way but the reality of our world is the American Dream! The world teaches us to work and become successful by making more money, having bigger houses and staying busy to the point where our focus is on success and not JESUS!

These statements are not to condemn you or to make you feel like you are a “bad person” but to show you that this mind set of constantly wanting to do better than someone else is exhausting! You can not live your life constantly trying to be better than someone else because you have been rejected or hurt by someone in your past! This will not bring joy! This will rob you of your peace! Stop trying to be in a constant competition with everyone around you! You may not even have recognized it or done it on purpose, but this is how you have responded to past rejection. You may feel insecure and that insecurity feeds to the ego of “Being Better” than someone else or having to prove your self-worth!

I have been there...I have done this. Very early in my law enforcement career. I had to achieve and prove that I was a “somebody” because of past rejection. I was the only female officer in the department and a minority at that. I had to build a reputation in my career and hold up a standard. I had to work more off duty jobs to make more money. This was a dangerous mindset that distanced me away from God! Pride set in and then came a fall…. Not only did God humble me but I had to repent and turn from my ways. I had to be set free from this mindset, this bondage! I also had to allow God to properly heal me from all my past rejections.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” ~ Romans 12:2 NASB

If you want to “prove” something...prove the will of God for your life!!! That is when you become VICTORIOUS...through Jesus Christ! When God wins you win!!

Lets Pray: Lord begin the healing process of rejection in me. Lord free me from impure and selfish motives. Lord soften my heart with love and compassion for others even if they continue to reject me. God, I repent and turn over to you my feelings and emotions. Lord help me forgive those who hurt me. Help me find a way to let them know I forgive them, even if they don’t admit their wrong doings. Lord help me find a way to bless them! God I thank you that I am accepted! God, I thank you that once I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, I am now accepted as a Child of God! Lord, I thank you for your grace, love and mercy and pray that I will no longer walk as a victim of rejection but in victory through Christ in Jesus name Amen!

I have two more examples of “Responding to Rejection - Part 2”...coming soon….. I would love to hear your comments or past responses to rejection. Please comment below if you’d like to share!